Cool Ranch Doritos

So, I eat these without throwing up somehow. This was because I was told that they burned really well, and that more energy comes from the bigger flame. So, during some project in a science class once, we each put 3 different foods on some stand thing and lit them on fire. Which ever one held the flame for the longest had the most energy in it. So, we chose an Oreo, an almond, and a Dorito. Everyone thought that the almond would burn for the longest amount of time, because they're super healthy and no one can go wrong with that choice. So, we burned them.

The Oreo didn't burn at all. It didn't even catch on fire. We put it inside of the flame and all the frosting in the middle started oozing out, but nothing caught on fire. This is because Oreos suck, and although they may taste good, are made of nothing at all that resembles chocolate. So, we ate the Oreo after it didn't burn, and it tasted normal.
The next was the almond. Yeah, it burned pretty well, and made a decent sized flame. It was better than any of the other foods that the other groups were burning. So, we had already determined are winner before we even burned the Dorito.
Hastily, just to get the experiment over with, we put the Dorito on the stand. Immediately it caught fire and started emitting a blue flame that was much larger than almond. Then it fell off of the stand and nearly caught the room on fire while oozing out some brown oil-like substance. It eventually disintegrated and won the contest.

So, because it burned for so long and started oozing out weird stuff, I now eat Doritos. The obviously have more energy than almonds, which makes them better, right? Well, that's my excuse for eating several bags at a time. Oh wellll...