1 thing.

Today I was reading the newspaper while eating. I don't know why, I mean, why look a cinnamon toast crunch when you could look at horrible photos of random people doing something stupid.
So, I saw this stupid article. About a stupid pelican. And how stupid people were like,
"Awww, poor pelican, lets fix it up." So they fixed it. Then let it free.
Now, lets look at this from the pelican's perspective.

"My beak sucks. It's twisted, but I've adapted to it by now. Whoa, what are these things approaching me. OW, they're stroking my neck! Chirp [please stop] chirp chirp*."

"Where...where...where am...where am I? Why are...oh. Oh no. That's my old beak. My face hurts. OWWW. Chirp Chirp Chirp!"

"This is actually pretty luxurious. I get free food, they massage me, and I don't have to worry about anything. Hello nice man, what do you have in your hand?"

"Why am I in a cage? Where am I? Chirp Chirp Chirp. Why...am I moving? OW, my neck still hurts. What is this tag? Why am I in a cage? Where am I. Chirp Chirp Chirp. Why...am I moving? OW, my neck still hurts. What is this tag?"

"Why do they have cameras. They're taking the cage away, NO! Is my life of luxury gone? They seem awful happy. Wait...where are they going? DON'T LEAVE ME. I know what I'll do. I'll fly back to the place they got me from and twist my beak again. That'll show them."

And so the pelican twisted his beak again. And then the people saved him again, wasting more money than the last time to get him a titanium beak that will not break. But somehow the pelican managed to break it again. And again. And again.
Saving animals is clearly a waste of money.
No.
Let me rephrase that.
Saving ugly animals is clearly a waste of money.
There.


I was supposed to post 2 things. But this one was long enough. And I forgot the second thing.

*chirp chirp chirp would probably be less...pleasant. Probably like screaming. Maybe like GAHHHHHHHHHH NOOO WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS NOOOOOOO!!!!